This isn't Sex and the City
Nobody's watching me write in my room
And anyway, when I get home I take off my cool clothes
'Cause why would I stay in those?
I go to the bar, it's monumental
And if he's hot and seems into it, it's accidental
What's it like to be admired?
Hot and desired?

This isn't Sex and the City
Nobody sees me and knows of my column
Nobody sees me at all is the problem
But of course when they do
They're not the one that I want to
When I go to the bar, I'm a believer
So if it's not in the stars, then I don't want it either
I say goodbye and take the bottle
I've never been stronger

Call the Uber and I
Tell him turn it up, tell him turn it up, baby
That's my song they're playing
Baby turn it up, could you turn it up, maybe?
Cause I'm drunk and I'm high so I'm crossed
Didn't score any guys so I'm lost
That's all for now Mr. Driver
I'm rating you 5 stars

If this was Sex and the City
I'd get in and he would have already called me
But instead I'm in the shower
Gotta feel a warm touch somehow
Now I'm ready to go back out
And he's here at the bar
God, is he boring
I wanna wake up and make up with him in the morning
He calls a car to his apartment
I guess there's a God then
The seat is up, the place is haunted
He's heating up and eating up a pizza pocket
I wanted one, but he forgot it
He's off his meds and he's an artist

Touching my leg, you don't have a headboard
Do that again, I think that I want more
If this is it, then what is it all for?
Let's make it quick, then I'm leaving out the front door

Call the Uber and I
Tell him turn it up, tell him turn it up, baby
That shit's overrated
Baby turn it up, could you turn it up, maybe?
I was drunk, I was high, I was crossed
He's the love of my life, no, he's not
I could have guessed, I'm swearing by it
But I guess you never know until you go and try it
What it's like to be admired
Hot and desired